To Stay Home or Not to Stay Home....

Ever since I was a little girl, I have LOVED babies and little kids. I used to just love when the neighbors would call and ask me to "babysit" their kids! The parents were there the whole time and really I was just playing with their kids, but hey! I thought I was babysitting and they were able to get some things done around the house... Brilliant strategy and a definite win-win! I just couldn't wait to have my own babies some day!

From pretty early on, I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. What I didn't anticipate was the amount of time it would take to become a mom (you can read the full story here)... I also did not intend to find a job that I absolutely love! A job that I didn't want to leave...

A little history on my "career path":

The University of Montana

I went to school at the University of Montana and graduated with a Bachelor's in Marketing... So, naturally after graduation, I got a job babysitting ;) Again, I just loved it! But after about a year of this, Casey and I decided it was time for me to move on.... But I wasn't sure what to move on too... Then out of what seemed like no where, God opened a door wide for me to walk through... That door was the door to our church, Harvest Church.  I sat in a number of different seats on the Harvest bus, but the Lord eventually gave me the reigns to lead the Kids Ministry program at our Lockwood Campus (the same campus my husband, the worship leader, works).

I instantly fell in love with this job! It was hard, challenging, but oh so rewarding. My first day in this role was on Easter... If you know anything about church work, you know that Christmas and Easter are the two most attended holidays of the year! I can just remember the pure exhilarating exhaustion after that day and craving more! Even though I couldn't pull myself off the couch the next day, I knew that Lord had in store an amazing ride for me and that things were just getting started!

Our campus as a whole has been growing pretty steadily over the last two years and with more adults comes more kids! We grew from around a 70 kid average to around a 115 kid average in just 2 years! We were having an absolute blast! The Lord had assembled a killer team and I mean I have been getting to be part of kids learning who Jesus is.... Goodness that is something to celebrate!

BUT then something changed.... After years of praying, God gave me a baby... A baby of my own! Never in a million years, did I think that deciding to stay home with her would turn out to be such a challenging decision.

You see.... I now know that I was going to stay home with her all along, but as soon as I became pregnant, I was trying to convince myself and the Lord that I could do both... To love and raise this sweet daughter of ours AND lead our Lockwood Kids... But as soon as Sweet Avery Jane landed in my arms, I knew God was releasing me from my responsibilities at Harvest.

My heart was torn... I felt as if I was letting down a number of people I loved: my boss, my volunteers, my church... But every time I would begin to think that, I would hear myself think, "This is God's church not mine... His ministry not mine." God will take care of His church... He used me for a season, but now it's a new season... A season of motherhood.

So, I told my boss... He was more than supportive and even excited for me... Which made it even more bittersweet. His words to me were, "You have been great, and it will be hard to replace you, but nobody can replace you as Avery’s mom so give her all you’ve got. You have my deepest respect and sincerest gratitude both for your service to Harvest and your commitment to your family."

So, the decision has been made... To stay home with Sweet Avery Jane... He's right nobody can replace me as her mom and I intend to give her all I've got! I know I will NEVER regret this decision!

With heavy, but happy heart I am saying goodbye to my role at Harvest for now and hello to full-time mommyhood!

#SweetAveryJane

Most of you know on April 16th, 2014 at 9:36am our sweet Avery Jane entered our lives.

What many of you may not know about Avery Jane is how long we waited for her arrival. You see, Casey and I have been married 4 years now... We knew we wanted to start a family pretty early in our marriage and we figured we'd "pull the goalie" and be pregnant in no time... That's how it seemed to be going for all our friends anyways. 

Well, we did just that and started trying for a baby in the summer of 2011... A few months went by and we still weren't pregnant. I told my doctor that we were trying for a baby and she warned us that it may take awhile for my body to regulate and to keep trying. We trusted her.... But then an entire year of us trying rolled around and there was still no baby, no pregnancy. We were becoming more and more discouraged and it seemed as if EVERYONE we knew was pregnant or getting pregnant with ease. I can remember at one low point counting 12 people within my semi-immediate circle that were pregnant and being so disheartened. We just wanted so badly a family of our own and were not being given it. 

Casey and I had been praying about a baby this whole time, but we decided that we needed to cry out to God on this issue because we were not accomplishing anything on our own... So, we put it in God's hands and agreed to pray everyday together about it. Every night before bed we asked God for a baby. We prayed every night for another year.

We were living with our friend AJ during a good portion of this and he was so excited for us to start a family. He would always talk about our future kids and say things like "this would make a great nursery huh?" while we would have our nightly family time in his basement. He knew better than most our struggle with trying for a baby. Eventually he stopped bringing it up... In fact, most of us stopped talking about it...

And then our sweet friend, AJ, died on July 16th, 2013. We were sad beyond comfort (and still are at times), but God provided some very unexpected joy in the midst of our immense sadness....  On August 25th, we found out that I was pregnant! Pregnant! After trying for so long, crying so many tears, questioning God so many times..... I was pregnant. Pregnant in the middle of being so incredibly sad. We went to the doctor and they had told us that I was already 8 weeks pregnant.... This placed the date of conception just after Junior left us. We were amazed, baffled, even confused as to how this was possible. To get pregnant during such a stressful time... It didn't make sense... But then the nurse told us our due date: April 8th... Just days after AJ's birthday and then we knew... Knew AJ had worked us a deal.

Never once was that guy thinking of himself... ALWAYS thinking of others and how he could help a friend out. Ok... maybe he did think of himself at least once... but this time we know AJ wasn't thinking of himself, but thinking of some close friends he left behind. We're not sure on the theology of it all... In fact, there most likely isn't any, but we are convinced that Junior sat down with The Lord and wheeled and dealed on our behalf's with Him until God agreed to give his pals' a baby.

This was and has been so healing to our hurting souls. All along God knew what He was doing in having us wait so long for the baby we so desperately wanted. He knew there'd be a time that Casey and I would need joy... Need something to look forward to... Something to help us hold our heads high and keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

Well, fast forward 9 months... It was April and I was VERY, VERY pregnant. April 1st was AJ's birthday and we had all (his family included) been pulling for our sweet baby to be born on Junior's birthday. Well, the 1st came and left and there was no baby born yet.. Then came our due date... and then there went our due date... This baby was proving to be very stubborn. A week after our due date, we went to the doctor for what we hoped to be a final checkup. We scheduled to be induced on April 17th... Two days away. We hoped by giving this baby a few more days, it would finally decide to enter the world.

That night (April 15th) we crawled into bed just before 11pm to be jolted out of bed from a popping sensation that I thought was my water breaking and contractions that followed immediately. After fixing our fridge that had apparently been leaking for who knows how long (great timing!), we made our way to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital just before 1am on April 16th and we got settled in.... Ha kidding I was having contractions.. There was NO settling in!

After my labor had went to my back, I decided it was epidural time... Around 3:30-4:00am, I got an epidural and then the calm before the storm happened... SO wonderful! We then actually settled in and napped until the delivery crew came in around 7:30am and told us it was time to have this baby! I started pushing and then a short two hours later Casey said "It's a girl!" And I knew sweet Avery Jane was born!

April 16th, 2014... 9:36am. Our beautiful, healthy daughter is placed in my arms.... So long did we wait to lay our eyes on such a precious baby. Time stood still as they say.... And I can remember, through tears, thanking God (and AJ) for such an amazing gift.

It wasn't until later that day when our friend, Tucker, came by and pointed out the significance of when Avery Jane was born... You see our beautiful Avery Jane was born exactly 9 months to the day, almost to the minute, of our dear AJ's death. Again time stood still.... God, like He always does, made such beauty from such ugly, heart-wrenching ashes. Again we were astonished, baffled, confused.... But so thankful. So very thankful!

Such a happy, little family.

Beauty Baby.

Happy Heart.

Proud Papa.

Sweet Girl.

Readers make leaders.

Smiley Baby.

Such a joy.

Just hanging and having a convo with Dad.

Thank you, God, for the amazing gift you've given us in this tiny, little human. Thank you for answering all of our prayers. Thank you for continuing to heal our broken hearts. You are an amazing God!

PS... Say hi to AJ for us. 

This last year... With it's ups and downs..

Well... I have officially failed at this blog thing... It's been well over a year since I've last thought about updating this thing... For that I apologize! BUT how exciting to be back together again via the world wide web!! Let me fill you in on the last year... It's been a crazy year.

God decided to bless the world with a beautiful, little creature on April 17th, 2012... Later on June 24th, 2012 he was added to our little family and given the name Little Barry Ellis (named after the man who we bought him from as a joke that our dear friend AJ thought would be so funny...) He now goes by the name Barry or Barrold.. He has been such a joy to our lives and we absolutely adore this little mutt.

Barry comes home with ecstatic mom and not-so-sure dad...
Barry quickly won over Casey's heart!

Barry and his beloved Raccoon...
The raccoon lasted approximately 3 months before it was completely shredded... 

Barry's days at work are sooo difficult...

Barry's first road trip...  

Barry's not the best at cuddling...

Happy first birthday Barry Dog!!!

So, as you can tell... We have become those annoying people that only care about their dog.... We are possibly what you would define as "obsessed." We'll leave that for the psychologists to determine...

What else have you missed out on since I haven't been connected to the blog world... Oh yes... I have a new "role" at the church (which actually isn't so new now... It's been about a year :\)... I am now the Kid's Ministry Director at our Lockwood Campus... This became official the end of July-ish last year... I can say I honestly LOVE my job... Yes, it's very stressful... Yes, some days I get overwhelmed... Yes, sometimes I think "what have I gotten myself into??" But more often than not I am absolutely humbled that God would allow me to have such a big role in His story... I get to have fun with kids and volunteers while loving Jesus... Pretty awesome...

This last March, Casey and I made a big step into adulthood... We bought our first house! We thought it would be a really great idea to gut the kitchen and start over... Some idea.. That turned into basically redoing the main floor! I will post (I really will try to post) an update on the house that has before and after pictures, but below is at least a picture of the front of our cute little home.

Home Sweet Home

In June, Casey and I celebrated 3 years of marriage! How the time has just flown by... We went down to Longmont, CO to see our close friends Mimi and Andy Salonen, went to Six Flags, went hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park AND saw Hillsong United at Redrocks!! It was quite the anniversary trip! Love you husband!

Hillsong United @ Redrocks.

This July, however, has been a complete 180ª for us. You see, one of our very best friends was taken from us last month. On July 16th, 2013 around 10:00am, AJ Blain was tragically killed in a helicopter accident. (It's hard for me to even type this because it makes it that much more real.)

You guys may remember AJ from an earlier post titled C+A is now C+A+Junior.... (If you haven't read that post and would like to know a little bit more about our dear friend and the time we spent with him you can read it here.)

Our hearts are literally crushed. We miss our friend. Simple as that. We know that he is flying high and safely with the Lord right now and that brings some comfort, but there is still a dull (and sometimes intense) ache that may never go away fully until we get to see our sweet friend again.

At the time of AJ's death, he had it all. He really packed more life (and Baja Blast) into 27 years than any 80 year old ever could. He had just married the love of his life, Carly, who he referred to as "Miss Wonderful" on May 18th, 2013... He had cows, he had the sweet helicopter he wanted so bad, he had a house, he had a pile of friends and now he had the girl. We had never seem him so happy.

Why the Lord chose to bring AJ home so early we may never know.... What we do know though, is that AJ loved Jesus with all that he was. He truly talked the talk, but more so he walked the walk. He loved people better than anyone I know. He had close friends from all walks of life (literally... There were over 1300 people at his memorial service to pay respects to him). He was able to bridge the gap between any set of people. Casey and I now have some very great, lifelong friends that would not be in our lives if AJ wouldn't have lived this so well.

In the days and weeks after Junior's passing, Casey and I have had a lot of time to think and pray and question God... We still don't have many answers yet (none really at all actually), but I do know I want to live better. I want to love better. I want to give more generously... I want to be more like AJ. I don't want AJ's death in my life to be in vain... I want it to change me. Most off, I want to be like Christ and if I can be more like AJ, I will be pretty dang close.

Our hearts absolutely ache for his family and his beautiful bride. We are at a loss on how to help, but we will continue to help however we can. AJ would count on us to do so. His family is our family. We love them like our own.

My words don't do justice to the man AJ was... If you didn't know him how I wish you could have! He was extraordinary. Truly the light of the world. Please read a beautiful description of his life that his sister and family put together here.

Here are some pictures of one of our best pal.

Jr doing what he absolutely loved. Flying.

Casey and AJ at our wedding.

AJ was so sad to lose his friend, Casey, to me... Little did he know he was actually just gaining ME!

Christmas 2011 at the combined Blain/Ramage household.

His infamous grin.

What a guy.

Junior and his best friend #61.

"Deals never sleep."

He certainly had a way with outdoors equipment... And breaking it.

Happiest day of his life.

Him and his Mrs. Wonderful. The love just radiated off them.

Our hearts are hurting. We are confused. We will continue to put one foot in front of the other. We will honor the life you lived. We loved and love you more than you will know and we are so eternally grateful for your friendship.

Junior, we miss you pal.

Travels and Conferences...

Ok... once again this is LONG overdue... For that I apologize... But cannot promise I will get much better at this blogging thing, but I will sure try ;)

So, it's been an exciting few months for us... in the beginning of March, Casey and I got to take a pretty amazing adventure together! We flew into New York, NY and stayed there for 3 nights... We had only planned on staying 2 nights, but a month or so before we were to fly out there, we found out that Mutemath (one of Casey's Fave bands) was playing the night we were supposed to leave.... So... of course we booked another nights stay in NY in order to see the show... However, our first hotel was booked solid so we had to stay in a different hotel...... That had "communal" bathrooms at the end of each hall... Oh well... We just needed sleeping quarters!!

We saw all the sights, got turned around on the subway, rolled our suit cases to our 2nd hotel 20 or so blocks away (while rolling over peoples' toes every few minutes), ate some pretty amazing food, saw a Broadway show, and learned that NY is not the place for us!  As fun as it was to visit, we definitely were reaffirmed in our love for Montana and so pleased with our home state's slower pace of life and welcoming atmosphere.

At the Statue of Liberty w/NY skyline in background (Building right above my head is the new WTC)

Central Park

At Sister Act on Broadway and snuck a picture in b/c there was no photography allowed :P

At the 9/11 memorial

New WTC

At Mutemath... AMAZING

Seriously... Best show I've ever seen!!

The next morning we woke up bright and early and jumped on a bus that took us to our nation's capital... we spent that day checking out some of the sights, but after 3 days of non-stop walking in NY, our feet were a little tired to say the least..... So, we didn't get to see as much in DC as we would have liked! That night in DC we had some amazing Thai food and incredible ice cream!!

The view from our hotel in DC

One of the few DC sights we saw ;)

The next morning we picked up our Mazda 3 that we had rented and headed South.... 540 miles and only ONE tank of gas later... We arrived in Charleston, SC to visit our sweet friends the Wallers (click here to see their blog).  We arrived to some fun gifts and smiling faces! It was soooo great to see them and so fun to see their life down south!

In the Mazda 3

Silly Boys....

Such a pretty Steph Waller (+1)

SC Grub

The BEACH

All in all our trip was so great! Unfortunately, I had a head cold the first 3 days and then Casey caught it on the end of the trip... But it was sooo great to get away with just each other and make new memories, explore together, and travel hundreds and hundreds of miles to see wonderful, old friends!!

****

And just a few weeks ago, Casey and I got to go back down to the LA area with a big group of our coworkers and attend Catalyst West... It's a creative, church leadership conference held every year in a few different locations.... This year's theme was Be Present.... We heard a lot of amazing speakers laying their hearts out before us the importance of being present in our relationships, in our ministries, with our families, with God... It was a convicting, worshipful experience....

A few nuggets from the conference:

"Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone."-- Andy Stanley

"When we feel entitled, we don't show honor."-- Craig Groechel

"Authenticity trumps cool every time." -- Craig Groechel

There's something about being surrounded by thousands of other people who are trying their hardest to live their lives for Jesus.... Overwhelming, encouraging, convicting...

Being in ministry is NOT easy and can be very taxing at times... At Catalyst we were in a building packed full of people admitting this to one another and all agreeing that even though it's tough many times... It's sooo worth it!! BUT our relationships with our spouses, families, friends, and ultimately God should not suffer because of it... We need to Be Present among the people around us! God told us to love each other... How can we do that if we are too caught up doing projects/tasks? People over Projects should be our way of thinking... Loving people as Christ first loved us... But too often we throw people to the side in order to squeeze in one more "project." I challenge you all to examine your lives and figure out if you are truly Present in your relationships... Put down your phone, computer, iPad, etc down and have a face-to-face conversation with someone you care about WITHOUT allowing your mind to wander to work or your next task.... Enjoy being present with them... Unfortunately, it's a lot harder than you would think.... Good Luck!

Love you all!